The silence of those who silence us
Have you ever felt like leaving an environment immediately because somehow it was suffocating you?
Have you ever preferred to remain silent because you knew that the other person didn’t even deserve your feelings of disappointment, anger, or sadness?
If you have felt all of these, grab a cup of coffee, turn off the TV, and come with me to reflect on the following story:
Joyce always arrived ‘on time’ at this office where she had been hired, but it was no wonder — to get to Mr. Banks’ luxurious office at Faria Lima at 9:00 a.m., she would take the first train from her hometown that passed by at 4:20 a.m.
Between taking the train in that little town, which had an English station as a reference, and getting to the stops, Joyce would take almost three hours, and in time, she would always pass by a bakery, one of those typical Paulista ones, and change her already worn and tired sandals for a beautiful high heel of the brand chosen by Mr. Banks. Not only that, but also the Chanel female suit to highlight her position as Trilingual Secretary of the Presidency.
Upon entering the room, Joyce’s curiosity was great. She was always eager to learn and apprehend knowledge — after all, the selection process had been extremely rigid and the requirement for fluency in different languages, in addition to the promises made there, were all very promising!
After the first two weeks of honeymoon in the new job, reality soon came knocking at the door:
With my voice still embattled and seeing dripping down the bathroom sink not only the makeup done so carefully, but also the tears — dripped there as the sink water ran, a deep disappointment of the first humiliation of many, suffered and thus inaugurated the first silencing.
I think we never forget the first time someone silenced us: either by speaking louder than us, or by making us feel so small that we thought we could fit in any dark corner, and it would do.
In general, there are two kinds of silencing: the first and hardest to notice is the one we don’t notice. We are silenced by moralistic opinions, beliefs formed by social groups rooted in patriarchy, silenced by family members, silenced by bullying of all kinds, silenced by an illness that seems to limit us… there are so many examples… but, above all, this type of ‘silencing’ is the one we don’t notice. In fact, when we do realize it is when we no longer know who we are, how we got there, and where we are going. The second type of silencing, I usually call positive silencing, the one that saves us. Although it represents a kind of gag and suffocation in the chest, if you manage to overcome the period when you got there by enduring being ‘silenced’, it is possible to break the ties, loosen the invisible knots and find your true purpose.
It wasn’t just because Mr. pseudo Dr. Abreu demanded that Joyce call him that, it wasn’t because he wanted to feed his ego and suck hers in return. Nor was it because she was doing her doctoral thesis at the time and was just as intellectual or even more intellectualized than the supposed Dr. Abreu.
We were created to know our potential, make use of it, and feel that our role and mission were fulfilled as people. Unfortunately, it is also notorious human nature to try to silence those who challenge us, be it for having a smile on their faces, capability and not capaticism, joy, competence, health (?) it is incredible but it is possible that as a race, we are competitive to the point of feeling uncomfortable for the health that our supposed fellow human being has and we do not.
With a trip to Geneva already scheduled and her doctorate hanging by a thread, tired of the secondary benefits she was receiving at the office after what I call ‘mini’ humiliations that together formed ‘gigantic’ humiliations, Joyce decided to put a stop to it all.
In a sudden burst of courage, she told Dr. Abreu face to face that she no longer wished to be part of that brilliant group of illustrious professionals.
Leaving the building, with an impetus to run happily along Faria Lima, Joyce gave her Louboutin shoes to a beggar lady on the avenue, who happily put them on! Joyce, leaving, walked away with her worn sandals, but they would not give her any more calluses and would lead her to her true purpose.
I didn’t talk to Joyce again after that, but I know that her action provoked reactions. After her departure and brief stay in Mr. Banks’ office and the refusal of his front man, Dr. Abreu, other employees were inspired and started to demand that there should be not only a salary that would make them stay on the job, but a real code of conduct if they didn’t want the office to go bankrupt.
It is a fact that Joyce at the time had a support network. Do you also have yours? She had wonderful parents that I admire to this day, a close family, friends and colleagues who supported her in all her decisions.
I believe this is very important because when we least believe in our ability to overcome an obstacle we find in the other, the true shoulder to lean on: someone who truly sees in us an intrinsic brightness amidst so much fog and mist.
I must warn you that there will be moments when you need to come out of the silence, to put your voice at an audible volume if you don’t want to get sick, and there will be moments when there will be no one by your side but yourself to tear away the invisible gags that once silenced you, and this will be your moment to discover that you have a lot of potential and that your voice is beautiful to hear.
COME OUT OF THE SILENCE!
MAKE YOURSELF HEARD!
This sentence I say to myself every day, on the safe journey that one day I will get close to the microphone and will be heard, not only by the four winds, but by the voice of my heart that will finally say: Finally, you made it!
If 2022 is at the end, may 2023 be the beginning of a year for all of us: voices not only heard, but listened to.
I have kept before for myself the motto that I must not say my poem to a non-poet, but who knows who is a poet, I will just speak!
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and may this text have been in some way the symphony your ears needed!
Take good care dear reader!
#foodForThought
Prof. Dr. Barbara Soares
@casadatraducaooficial Barbara Soares